PELICANA THE PELICAN

A Korean proverb says, “Birds hear words of daytime. (낮말은 새가 듣는다.)” But sometimes, birds do much more than just hearing words. Some birds are not only ‘word hearers’ but also ‘word carriers.’ Pelicans, with huge pocket in their mouth, are specialized in this job. Among all the pelicans in Gangwon-do, Pelicana, with the most capacious mouth and largest wings, has been a never failing, living legend in the field. He is the only officially hired and officially paid bird by human. Yet, indeed, his workplace is not so special as we expect. It seems unfairly too normal for such a talented pelican to work for. Although many fancy-named-companies promised him luxurious nets, fresh fish everyday, and many more, he already had made choice even before those offers. Pelicana the Chicken Shop. That was his choice. Our hero, as flying to the Pelicana, shouted, “This is my destiny. And I’m willing to take it. Sayonara buddies.”(By the way, it wasn’t really a sayonara. We frequently found him delivering chickens to Hoengseong. Hoengseong dwellers must be chicken swallowing monsters.) Anyway, this is how he left.

It was Pelicana’s fourth day when he found the letter. He was grudgingly delivering mouthful of chickens as usual. Chicken delivery was the last job he expected to do. He thought he deserved much more dignity than this. (He thought of organizing a labor union, but remembered that he’s the only working pelican.) Pelicana was shaking the identity of Pelicana as a ‘word carrier.’ Right when his anger reached its highest, he spotted a red-faced BBQ Chicken Shop owner. Pelicana wondered if other parts of his body are also that red. So he started to fly a bit lower. That’s when he found the letter.

‘Ooh, the man is grabbing the letter so tightly. Is he trying to squeeze juice out of it? Humans… what a greedy creature! Wait... letter? This is the chance! I can be a word carrier again!’

            “KMLA… how dare you do this to me… I will sue you! Who cares about Mitchell! I’ve done what I should’ve done! It’s not my fault. See you at cour…t! Hey wait! Hey! Birdie! Hey! …Dayum that fat bird. Now I can’t to anything, fudge…”

            Pelicana snatched the letter and handed it to Mr. Pelicana. Mr. Pelicana, fluttered, began to read out the letter.

“To. Head of Dunnae BBQ Chicken Shop

Good Afternoon. Weather has been much warmer these days, though it’s still cold enough for adorable chickens to lose all their body heat during delivery. Well, for you, Head of Dunnae Chicken Shop, I reckon coldness did not bother you while frying chickens in front of sparkling oil :D I hope you didn’t freeze yourself last night. What I am really concerned about is the well fare of you oil. Inferring from last night’s bloody experience of chicken party, my friends are pretty sure that you poor oil is being mistreated. When I walked into my classroom, half of the classmates were gone. All of them went to the hospital for stomachache. Since the meals school provides are all strictly tested, they are not the reason of this bloody disaster. Then, that leaves only one explanation. YOU. It’s you that mistreated your oil. It’s your oil that failed to cook chicken perfectly. And it’s that bloody chicken that caused this crisis.

For KMLA students, Chicken Day, which only comes every once a month, is serious, meaningful, and even sacred event. We are not like common people who can complain and evaluate the quality of chicken. For us, who always are desperate for chicken, throwing away chicken and buying a new one is not an option. Yet, as avid chicken lovers, we always leave changing the Chicken shop as a last resort. So, please provide us with better quality chicken. We really want to maintain this relationship with you, please let us.

The last night event was a real disappointment. That made us to seriously consider about the last resort. Such irresponsibility you showed should never be tolerated. If you want us to keep buy chicken from Dunnae BBQ Chicken Shop, you should provide something, shouldn’t you? I demand free, fully cooked chicken for all students. We don't want to let another drop of chicken blood flow through our vein.

More importantly, we wait for your apology. I am planning to ask our headmaster to have a tour to Dunnae soon. Maybe we can have chicken for our meal, and you might offer them for free. The life philosophy of KMLA students is BCD; Birth, Chicken, and Death. I really want to tell how much students who ate bloody chickens are suffering from pain. One of my best friends, Mitchell, pooped blood. He is suffering from diarrhea. Mike is vomiting every five minutes.

Head of Dunnae BBQ Chicken Shop, we wait for you responsible response.

Sincerely,

You-Know-Who

Post-letter Story (from a radical)

I vow to take revenge on the BBQ place. I just arrived from the hospital because I ate you bloody chicken and now I have a stomachache. You cost me money and my valuable time. I promise I will cost you a few thousand times more time. My time is running out. But we decided to keep, so I have more time. I will burn down your place and rescue all the chickens. They deserve better, for they are currently being mistreated, being undercooked. If only I was permitted to write in Korean, I could have been more violent. 암튼 뒤통수 조심해라.”

Pelicana was expecting nice storke on his back. Instead, he got a full-power stroke on his face. Through his closing eyelids, he saw the crying face of Mr. Pelicana, and through his deafening eardrums, he heard Mr. Pelicana shouting... "Dad! Oh, my old man! BBQ was his dream!!! 흡!"